"The Disclaimer"

The information used comes from friends and different sources on the Internet;

views and thoughts expressed on this website do not necessarily reflect those of

our family, our hamsters, our friends or any group we represent; material

is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user

assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; this

offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; all rights

reserved; other copyright laws for specific news apply wherever noted; info

is subject to change without notice; info is slightly enlarged to show

detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional

and purely coincidental; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not

bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions,

exchanges or refunds allowed; for a limited time only; an equal

opportunity news conference; no shoes, no shirt, no dice; if defects are

discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized

service center; read at your own risk; keep away from sunlight, pets,

and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase

necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required;

batteries are not included; action figures sold separately; no

preservatives added; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for

your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken; call before you

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develops, discontinue use; use only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme

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avoid inhaling fumes; avoid contact with mucous membranes; do not

puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place

near flammable or magnetic source; text used in the news is made from 100%

recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test the

reasonability of the news; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavor added;

if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a

humorologist; slippery when wet; possible penalties for early withdrawal;

offer valid only at participating e-mail sites; slightly higher west of

the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; disclaimer does not

cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, excessive toxic flatulence,

volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other acts of nature, misuse,

neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken

antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial

numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear

blasts, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle

accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire,

flying projectiles, or dropping the item; other restrictions may apply; No

COD, Not a member of FDIC, MSRP, AARP, APR or FOB, quantities are limited while

supplies last, please see expiration date, lather, rinse, repeat, no

facsimiles or other mechanical reproductions allowed and read small print

below for further details.

For anyone who actually read that whole thing.  Wasn't that fun?